Whose Line Is It Anyway: Naruto Edition
by JonJ
Summary: 1000 points to Naruto? Join Drew Colin Ryan and Wayne as they help our favorite ninja pull pranks on Konoha Whose Line Style and only Tsunade knows about it. Will Sakura kick Narutos ass? Will Kakashis mask be removed? Will Drew keep making bald jokes?
1. Segment 1

Special Thanks goes to **Battenfield** for being a 'well rounded' (if you know what I mean) beta reader…

Disclaimer: All characters/registered names are not mine, and owned by their respective owners, and are used for entertainment purposes...

(parentheses) indicates actions

**Bold underline** indicates a caption on the TV screen

ALSO, this takes place **POST TIME SKIP** or during Naruto Shippuden.

* * *

Drew: Good evening and welcome to _Whose Line is it Anyway: Naruto Edition! _On tonight's show, wearing blue jeans, Wayne Brady! (Wayne Smiles and Waves) Wearing lacey lingerie, Colin Mochrie! (Colin gives a 'WHAT!' look on his face) Wearing a tux, Naruto Uzumaki! (Giving his usual foxy smile) And, wearing Depends, Ryan Stiles! (Back facing the camera) I'm your host, Drew Carey! Come on down, and lets have some fun! (Drew Sits down in his desk) Welcome, to a special hour long episode of Whose Line is it Anyway: Naruto Edition—the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like hair to Britney Spears... (Everyone laughs) Now, today's show is exactly the same as our previous special edition of the show, Whose Line is it Anyway: Love Hina Edition. For those who didn't see it, not only are these guys gonna make up everything on the spot, and I award these fakey points that don't mean a thing, they're just a gag to hold the show together. Then, at the end, I'll pick whoever entertains me the most as a winner, and they'll get to do something special with me in the Hokage's office while the losers have to each buy me a dozen donuts. (Everyone laughs) The part that makes this show special from a normal Whose Line episode is that there is a twist to the show, where we will play all the games in front of some of Naruto's friends, HOWEVER, they are all clueless about the show, except for one person, and that's the Hokage, herself, Tsunade. So basically it's like a huge prank on Naruto's friends. Kinda right up your alley, eh, Naruto?

Naruto: This is gonna be great, dattebayo!!!

Ryan: What the hell does 'dattebayo' mean?

Drew: It's Japanese for 'bitches'. He said, "This is gonna be great, bitches!" He was referring to you, Ryan.

Colin: Wow, we're not even 2 minutes into the show, and you guys are going at it!

Drew: You'll get your turn, soon! (Everyone laughs).

Naruto: Wow, I didn't realize we were taping an episode of "Yo Mama!" (Everyone laughs) Actually, 'dattebayo' means nothing. I just add it for emphasis.

Ryan: (looks at Drew) Yeah, bitches!

Colin: It's better than the Viz idiots make you say—Believe It…

Naruto: Now, why the hell would I end almost everything I said with something as stupid as 'Believe It?'

Colin: I dunno…

Naruto: (In a retarded voice) Duh, Look guys. I can end all my sentences like a moron, believe it! (Everyone laughs, his voice returns normal) Seriously, I don't know what gave those dumbasses that idea…

Drew: Alright! Special thanks goes to Konoha Academy for letting us use a classroom for a studio today. Also, unlike last time where the buzzer could be heard through ceiling mounted hidden cams and speakers, everyone's mic pack is equipped with a speaker for the buzzer. Now then, the first game we're gonna play is called _Questions Only_. This is for all four performers, and they are gonna act out a scene where they can only speak in questions only, and if you say anything besides a question, I'll buzz you out. The scene is, in a doctor's office, and as a twist, you guys are going to go do the scene in front of the clinic, where Naruto's teammate Sakura is working… If Sakura says anything, you must still talk in question form. Also, Naruto: no jutsus from now on, unless I say.

Naruto: Awww, damn…

Drew: Naruto, you and Wayne will start first. Questions only, in the clinic, and take it away.

(The guys walk down to the clinic, and set up shop in front of the open door. Sakura does not notice. Ryan stands behind Naruto, and Colin stands behind Wayne.)

Wayne: Are you a doctor?

Naruto: Who's asking?

Wayne: Can't you see I'm sick?

Naruto: What do you want me to do about it?

Sakura: Who's out there?

Wayne: Are you going to help me?

(Sakura walks out)

Sakura: Naruto, what's wrong with you?

Naruto: Do you think something's wrong with me?

Sakura: That's what I'm asking you. What is wrong with you, and who are these guys?

Naruto: I dunno… aww, crap…

BUZZ!!!

(Ryan walks out)

Sakura: What was that?

Ryan: Did you know I accidentally stopped up the infirmary's toilet?

Wayne: Why'd you do that?

Ryan: Didn't you know eating too much ramen makes you poo a lot?

(Naruto snickers)

Sakura: Are you guys ok?

Wayne: Can you help me?

Ryan: Aren't you the doctor?

Wayne: What do you mean?

Sakura: What's up with you guys?

Wayne: Can't you tell I'm sick?

Sakura: Not really, but if you insist, what's wrong?

Ryan: Can't you tell?

Wayne: I threw up…. Awww!

Sakura: Where?

BUZZ!!!

(Colin comes out)

Colin: How's it goin?

Ryan: Did you throw up all over the floor again?

Colin: Did I do it over here, or over there? (points at two different spots on the floor)

Sakura: (annoyed) Where is it?

Ryan: Why can't you remember?

Colin: Can I describe what it looked like?

Sakura: Gross, no!!!

Ryan: (laughing) No… (Walks off to swap with Naruto.)

BUZZ!!!

(Naruto walks out)

Naruto: Can you treat diarrhea here?

Colin: How bad is it?

Sakura: Naruto, did you drink funny milk again?

Colin: (looks at Sakura) How'd you guess?

Naruto: Don't I always do that?

Sakura: (eye starts twitching) Naruto…

Colin: Can you describe what it looked like?

Naruto: The milk or the diarrhea?

Colin: What's grosser?

Naruto: Aren't they both gross?

Colin: Did you know you could get poo from food?

(Everyone except Sakura laughs, Naruto snickers, walks off, Ryan comes back)

Colin: Are you ready to check my colon?

Ryan: Do I have to?

Colin: (to Sakura) Can you do it instead?

Sakura: WHAT?!!! Why would I wanna check your colon after you mentioning 'poo?'

Ryan: Would you prefer we give him an enema first?

Sakura: What do you mean, 'we?'

Colin: Do you have enough KY?

Ryan: Would you prefer lava-soap instead? (Drew laughs)

Colin: Could you use a wire brush first? (Ryan laughs, Drew Laughs harder) Would you like to eat some of this sandwich while you're doing it? (Acts like he is holding up a sandwich)

Sakura: EEEW!!!! You guys are sick!!! (looks at Naruto and cracks her knuckles) Is this one of your silly tricks Naruto?

Naruto: (giggling) Yes…

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ!!!!

Naruto: Well, gotta go!!! (They all run off, and Sakura yells at them, shaking her fists)

Sakura: NA-RU-TO, when I get my hands on you…!!!!

(The guys walk into the studio and sit down)

Drew: Wow, Colin and Ryan, 0 points to you two, you sicko's.

Naruto: Wow, you guys are gonna be the end of poor Sakura's career…

Drew: A thousand points to Naruto for drinking spoiled milk again! (Everyone laughs)

Naruto: Oops… I was wondering why I had to chew it…

Drew: And Colin, I'm positive everyone is aware where poo comes from…

(Everyone laughs)

Drew: Alright, our next game is called _Song Styles_ and it's for Wayne, and Naruto, along with Laura Hall and Linda Taylor…

Naruto: Wait, I get to sing, too? I'm not really that good…

Wayne: You'll do just fine, I promise…

Drew: Actually, I chose you to help Wayne, because the person you two are gonna make a song up about is none other than the lovely and talented kunoichi, Miss Hinata Hyuuga!!! (Everyone cheers, and Hinata is escorted in, and sits down in the stool in front of Naruto and Wayne. Hinata looks around in awe.)

Hinata: W-wait a m-minute… Th-this isn't the class I was supposed to be assisting in teaching…

Drew: That's correct, Hinata. These two guys are gonna sing a song to you. Isn't that lovely?

Hinata: (blushing) W-w-well, since Naruto-kun is here, it should b-b-be r-r-really great!

Naruto: Aww, you're so sweet, Hinata…

Drew: Alright, I want you guys to sing to her in the style of a slow R & B love song, so Laura and Linda, take it away…

(Music Starts)

Wayne: (singing) There she is, the girl I love, whose skin and eyes are white as a dove…

(Music continues)

Wayne: (singing) She's so shy, her name's Hinata, and she's wearing a coat that I'm sure's hiding some big ta-tas, and I can't get enough of her...

(Drew Laughs, Music Continues, Hinata starts blushing)

Naruto: (singing) Hinata's the girl for me, because she's much nicer than Pinky… (Hinata turns really red, and almost faints)

(Music Continues)

Naruto: (singing) She's the most beautiful girl around, but piss her off and you'll be in the ground… (Drew Laughs)

(Music Continues)

Naruto: (singing) Ooooh, she's so damn shy, and you know us two guys (points at himself and Wayne) we can't keep our eyes off of her…

(Music Continues)

Wayne: (singing) You know she sneaks around (Naruto: Around…) like an old bloodhound (Naruto: Bloodhound…) trying to capture my heart…

(Music Continues)

Wayne: (singing) Hinata, I'm sure she can dance, and I'd love to have her special vision, so I could look through her pants… (Hinata blushes real red—enough to make a stop sign jealous, Drew laughs, Naruto just looks at Wayne funny, Naruto saves the day)

(Music Continues)

Naruto: (singing) Hinata! Don't stop being so cute… (Hinata blushes less)

Wayne: (singing) Hinata! Don't stop being so cute!

Naruto / Wayne: (singing) Hinata! Don't stop being so cu-u-u-u-te!!!

BUZZ!!!!!!!

(Hinata Faints, Naruto carries her back to her class, Wayne sits down)

Drew: Wow, That girl faints easily…

Wayne: Yeah, it's so obvious that she is crushing on Naruto, bad…

(Naruto walks back in)

Naruto: Who's crushing bad? (He sits down)

Wayne: Hinata, man. She's got it bad for you…

Naruto: (looks at Wayne funny) What?

Drew: Just for that, 5000 points to Colin and Ryan for just sitting back there, being lazy…

(Colin and Ryan cheer)

Drew: And 10 thousand points to Wayne for showing how he would abuse Hinata's Byakugan…

Wayne: Yes!!!

Drew: Our next game is for everybody, and it's called _Weird Newscasters_. Colin, you're going to be the anchor of a news program. Naruto, you're the co-anchor, and you are slowly turning into Jack Nicholson… (Naruto forms an evil grin on his face) Wayne, you're doing the sports, and you have just drank a bottle of ipecac. (Wayne starts laughing)

Wayne: Wow… Ok, I'll see what I can do…

Drew: Ryan, you're the weatherman and you think your weather map is trying to eat you… (Ryan just gives him a funny look and mouths the word 'why') Now then, Ino, Sakura and Tsunade are discussing some things in the Nurses office here in the Konoha Academy, and Sakura is about to find out that she has a TV in there… So Colin, when you hear the music, take it away….

(Meanwhile, in the Nurses Office)

Tsunade: (just walked in) So Sakura, has anything major happened today?

Sakura: Well, nothing weirder than usual; Naruto's up to his silly pranks again…

Tsunade: (giggles) Well, Naruto will be Naruto, after all…

Ino: Well, I'm just glad he hasn't come and messed with me, yet… He'll get a piece of my mind if he does…

Sakura: Yes, well, his last one was with some American guys… Did you guys know of any American friends of his?

Ino: No, are you sure these guys were Americans, and not, say, Shikamaru, Chouji, Kiba, or even the Konohamaru corps in a henge?

Sakura: Maybe… (All of a sudden, a TV comes on) What is that?

(News music starts)

Colin: Welcome to the 8:45 news… I'm your anchor, Willie Buff-my-head-later-on. (Drew laughs hard)

Sakura/Ino: News??!

Ino: What is Naruto doing, sitting next to that bald guy?

Sakura: More importantly, when did we get a TV in here?

Colin: Today's top story, actress Drew Barrymore is saddened at the loss of her favorite mare, Butters. It is said that Drew rode Butters down to a large lake nearby, and proceeded to start violently attempting to force beer, liquor, wine and other spirits into the mare, who instantly ran away in fear and is still missing-in-action. This just goes to show that Drew can lead a horse to water, but she can't make her drink. (Everyone starts laughing)

Tsunade: (trying to keep from giggling) Wow, poor Drew…

Sakura: Ohhhh-kay… Still, why is Naruto there?

Colin: And now over to my co-anchor, Jack!

Sakura/Ino: Jack?!

Naruto: **Slowly Turning Into Jack Nicholson** (In his normal Naruto voice) Thank you, Willie. First off, we can't give an accurate Konoha traffic report, because all roads leading into and out are covered with trees, (slows down his speech, squints his eyes slightly, widens his smile, not showing any teeth, and deepens his voice) so we can't see the freakin' traffic. We also have our favorite burger restaurant to thank for that report--Thanks, Wendy… (Develops a sinister look to his face) Heeeere's you're traffic reporter!!!

Colin: Thank you for that ill iterating report, Jack.

Naruto: (Still in Jack's voice) Good! Now, maybe I can get some freakin work done around here!!

Sakura: Who the hell is Naruto trying to be?

Ino: Haven't you ever seen _The Shining_ forehead girl?

Sakura: No… Why?

Ino: Well, Sakura, he's acting like the main character, Jack…

Tsunade: Shut up! I want to watch this… (The girls shut up)

Colin: (slightly annoyed) Yes… Right. And now, over to our man in sports, Chester Nut Droppings! Chester!

Ino: What kind of name is that?!

Sakura: Wow, I'll bet he was probably picked on a lot as a kid…

Wayne: Thanks, Colin. **Just Drank An Entire Bottle Of Ipecac** Well first off, the Dodgers and the Titans started off today with a rough beginning, and then towards half-time, they BLAUGGGHHH!!!! Oh, my god, what's happeni-BLAUUUUUUUGH!!!! (Falls to his hands and knees) Please, someone stop this. Call a doct—BLAUUUUUUGGGGHH!!!!!!! (Crying) Help me, I can't take thi—BLAUGHGHHGHGH!!!!!! (Huffing and puffing, calms down) Ok, I think it's stopped. It's over with—BLAUUUUGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Falls on the ground, squirming…

Sakura: That is disgusting…

Colin: Wow, I knew Dodgers games sucked, but this is ridiculous… (Acts like he is pulling a tape recorder out of his pocket, clicks it) Note to self—NEVER go to another Dodgers game… (Clicks the invisible recorder, puts it in his pocket)

Naruto: (Acts like he is typing, stops, and looks up. Still in the Jack voice, speaks to Colin) Alright, let me explain something to you. Whenever you guys interrupt me, you're breaking my concentration; you are distracting me!! (He smacks himself on the head, with a very angry look; Colin flinches. Naruto then acts like he is picking up paper and shredding it, as he continues talking) And then it will take me time to get back to where I was!!! (Throws the paper on the floor, Colin just looks at him strangely) Understand? Now I'm flustered, and I must get un-flustered!

Colin: (Looks at Naruto strangely) Right, you do that.

Naruto: (Once again smiles with the calm, sinister smile) We're going to sing a song.

Colin: Ok, now off to our--…

Naruto: I feel pretty, (starts dancing) oh so pretty, and pretty and witty--…

Colin: Ok, off to our weath-…

Naruto: And Gaaaaaay!!!!

Colin: SHUT UP!!! (Naruto stops, and sits down, Drew Laughs) Thank you. And now off to our crazy weatherman, Sunny N'Cher…

Ryan: Thanks, Colin. **Thinks The Weather-map Is Trying To Eat Him** First off, let me just say a big hello to everyone in the greater Chicago area, (Drew cheers) and offer my condolences for having to live there. (Drew Laughs) Alright, let's have a look at the board. First off, (points) speaking of Chicago, (all of a sudden his hand disappears, he looks at it with a horrified look on his face) AAAAAARRRGH!!! This map has TEETH ON IT!!! RUN!!! (Acts like he is getting pulled back to the map, squirming) No!!! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!! Don't eat me!!! Eat someone else… (Other hand disappears) AAAAARGH!!! WHY?!!! WHY?!!!

Naruto: (sinister laughing)

Ryan: (Looks at Naruto as he is 'pulled' behind the chairs in the back) It was you!!! You MADMAN!!! I'll get you, evil pers--… (Is sucked off the set)

Naruto: That's right, Wendy!!! (Evil laugh. He then walks over to Wayne and acts like he is trying to stab him with a knife. Wayne screams)

Colin: This just in, Carnivorous weather map claims another, Orochimaru, played by Michael Jackson scheduled to be next weather-man!!! (Drew Laughs) That's all the time we have for the news; stay tuned for _Orochimaru's Corner_ next with guest star Al Gore, Inventor of the Internet and Global Warming! Good Night!!

BUZZ!!!

(The TV goes dark)

Sakura: Woah, that was really weird. Naruto was kinda creepy…

Ino: No kidding. We need to find out why he's playing a weirdo guy on the news…

Sakura: Maybe he's possessed…

Ino: By who? The only people around here that can do that are members of my family. Surely there are no other mind controllers in Konoha.

Tsunade: That's right, Ino. Girls, I gotta run, so behave, and be easy on Naruto. I'm sure there is a logical explanation for this all. (Walks off leaving the girls flabbergasted, and she giggles to herself)

(Meanwhile, in the 'studio' everyone sits down)

Drew: Wow, Naruto, I think you went overboard with your part… (Naruto blushes) I liked it!!!

Naruto: Really?

Colin: You did a great Jack Nicholson... I was almost scared at first…

Naruto: Cool!!!

Ryan: I'm always scared, but mainly of Drew… (Everyone except Drew laughs)

Drew: Yeah, so a thousand points to everyone, but Ryan…

Ryan: (Pouts) Hey man, it's just a joke!

Drew: Ok, we'll return to Whose Line Is It Anyway: Naruto Edition, with more fun, after this. Don't go anywhere!!!

* * *

Thanks for reading, everyone! Is it as good as the Love Hina Edition (if you read it)? Please leave me a review, so I know how I'm doing... Any and all ideas are welcomed... Also, I will need the following for future games:

Suggestions for _Scenes From A Hat_

Random Lines for _Whose Line_

Thanks,

-JJ


	2. Segment 2

Special Thanks goes to **Battenfield** for being a 'well rounded' (if you know what I mean) beta reader…

B/N: Special thanks goes to JonJ for being short (If you know what I mean)

Disclaimer: All characters/registered names are not mine, and owned by their respective owners, and are used for entertainment purposes...

(parentheses) indicates actions

**Bold underline** indicates a caption on the TV screen

ALSO, this takes place **POST TIME SKIP** or during Naruto Shippuden.

B/N: Also considering the new direction of the story, we are now hence forth changing the name to Sasuke: Whose Line Edition. Naruto will immediately be captured by Akatsuki and have the Kyuubi sucked out of him, giving Sasuke a dead Naruto to have butt sex with and the mangekyou sharingan.. Just kidding, or course.

* * *

Drew: Welcome back to _Whose Line Is It Anyway: Naruto Edition_, where everything's made up and the points are just like Paris Hilton in South Park. Hey, would you look at all the (re)viewers out there? You can only read so many Harry Potter fics until it gets redundant… (Everyone laughs, Tsunade walks in) Our next game is for everyone and it's called _Superheroes_. Naruto, you are going to start and you will all act out a game as unlikely superheroes, and Ryan, Colin and Wayne will come in and try to screw each other up with strange superhero names. Now, Tsunade, since you are here, give to me a good name for an unlikely superhero for Naruto.

Tsunade: How about Captain Sex-Change.

Drew: Perfect! Now, what could be a crisis for Captain Sex-Change?

Tsunade: Well, since you are going to be doing the scene around Rock Lee, I think it's only fitting for the crisis to be that there's no more toothpaste.

Drew: (Starts laughing) Alright, so Naruto, as Tsunade said, you will be doing the scene at Lee's dojo, and with luck, Gai might show up as well, so whenever you guys are ready, take it away…

(Naruto and the guys run to Lee's dojo, and Naruto walks in)

Lee: Hello Naruto, are you here to challenge my Dojo?

Naruto: No, I am the famous superhero... (Changes to female form) …Captain Sex-Change!

Lee: Oh, Naruto, it's great to see the flames of youth have inspired you to be a superhero, however, I think your choices of superpowers are strange.

Naruto: It's ok.. Oh no! (reverts to male form) The world crisis monitor is going off… Why, there's no more toothpaste!!! Gai-Sensei won't be able to blind his enemies with that incredibly shiny smile of his. (changes to female form) I hope my superfriends arrive soon!

(Ryan runs in)

Lee: Are you here to challenge my dojo, tall… person…?

Ryan: (Looks at Lee) How the hell did you manage to get two baseballs shoved in your eye sockets? (Drew chuckles, Naruto giggles)

Lee: What?!

Gai: (Walks in) Lee, I have come to see you fight all these challengers!

Lee: Naruto and his friend are supposedly superheroes and they don't want to fight.

Ryan: I'm sorry I'm late, but Drew Carey stopped up my toilet again!

Gai: Oh, that sounds like the work of my rival, Kakashi, trying to challenge me!

Naruto: Oh, thank God you're here, Springs-in-his-shoes man.

Ryan: (grins, starts bouncing around) What seems to be the problem?

Naruto: There's no (changes back to male) more toothpaste!!

Lee: I don't understand what kind of superheroes put springs in their shoes.

Gai: Don't let Kakashi see; he'll try to get me to compete with him in jumping!

(Colin runs in)

Colin: I hurried in as fast as I could, but I stopped for some donuts!

Lee: Another? And why didn't you bring us any?

Colin: (Looks at Lee) Wow, how did you manage to stick two small dogs above your eyes? (Drew, and Naruto laugh)

Lee: Dogs? Where?

Ryan: Oh, it's Captain Nosebleed! (Drew laughs, Colin snickers)

Naruto: Captain Nosebleed, there's no more toothpaste!

Colin: (uses hand gestures to make it appear that his nose is bleeding profusely for a second) What are we gonna do?!

Ryan: (bouncing around) We need more help!!!

Naruto: What will (changes into female form) we ever do?!

Lee: Captain Nosebleed? These sure are strange superhero friends, Naruto…

(Wayne walks in)

Wayne: I'm sorry I'm late; I was brushing my teeth! (He looks at Lee and Gai) Damn! Did we land ourselves on the set of Robin Hood – Men In Tights?

Colin: Oh, look, it's Constantly-Catching-On-Fire Boy!

Lee: What?!

(Drew laughs, Wayne smirks as if he's fixing to laugh, then continues.)

Wayne: What seems to be the problem? (He then uses his hands to imitate himself being on fire, and screams) AAAHHH!!! Stop, drop and roll! Stop, drop and roll… (Starts rolling on the floor)

Colin: (While pinching his nose) Here's some gasoline! (Acts like he's pouring gas on Wayne)

Wayne: AAHHH!!! What the hell?! (Almost starts laughing and starts rolling again)

Colin: (acts like he's holding some things out with both hands) Anyone wanna roast marshmallows or hot-dogs? (Drew laughs, Wayne looks at him funny. He then acts like his nose is bleeding again and pinches it again) Oh, my nose!

Naruto: (reverts to male form) There's no more toothpaste, Constantly-Catching-On-Fire Boy! (Reverts to female form again)

Wayne: (Stands up, then acts like he's in flames again) AHHH!!! (Rolls on floor again) I got it!!! Lets g-…

Gai: EVERYONE, STOP! I got the solution to your not so youthful problems!!! (Everyone stops and he pulls out a scroll, and unrolls it and releases a jutsu) Here!!! (As he releases the jutsu, several tubes of toothpaste appear) This is enough toothpaste to make each of you stay your youthful selves!!!! (Everyone sweatdrops)

Colin: Geez, I could have done that.

Ryan: It seems one of the Merry Men is obsessed with toothpaste!

Colin: (Walks up to Lee) You guys had one thing right from your theme song, you men in tights do look like sissies…

Wayne: Wow that was more random than me. I'm off to go tour a fireworks factory. (Turns to Lee and Gai) Tell Robin and Little John that I said what's up! (runs off).

Lee: Will someone explain to me what this 'Men In Tights' thing is, and who are Robin and Little John?!

Gai: I think the flames of youth will lead us to these 'merry men' and we shall become one of them!!!

Colin: Well, that was easy. I think I'll go check out the hot-springs in Hinata-sou. (He holds his nose at the thought.)

Lee and Gai: Hinata-sou?

Colin: Yes, there are some real nice girls there…

Ryan: (bouncing) I don't think that's a good idea. You don't want to be around when Naru or Motoko are out. (Colin runs out)

Gai: He has swayed from the Youthful flames, and been corrupted by perverted thoughts!!!

Lee: Oh Gai-Sensei, don't ever let me get that way!

Gai: Never, Lee!

A horrible sight strikes the remaining cast members and you viewers at home as the SS-class ranked genjutsu, "Sunset and crashing waves" appear behind Lee and Gai.

Lee: Gai-Sensei!

Gai: Lee!

Lee: Gai-Sensei!

Gai: Lee!

Lee: Gai-Sensei!

Gai: Lee!

Lee: Gai-Sensei!

Gai: Lee!

Lee: Gai-Sensei!

Gai: Lee!

Lee: Gai-Sensei!

Ryan: Oh God! Get them away from me!

Naruto: Take me with you!!! They scare me!! (Reverts to male form)

(Ryan and Naruto run out before Gai and Lee notice)

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ!!!!

Drew: Wow, that got a bit weird at the end…

Ryan: No kidding. They are so obsessed with each other…

Drew: So a hundred thousand points to Gai and Lee's psychiatrists.

Ryan: I don't think you'd want to give Rupaul and Michael Jackson points…

Colin: That's right, Rupaul and Michael Jackson: the latest of the Merry Men in Tights!!!

Drew: (laughing) Ooooh… Ok, let's go on to our next game; it's called _Greatest Hits_. Colin and Ryan are TV voiceovers trying to sell the latest compellation album, and Wayne and Naruto are gonna sing snippets of the songs, all with the help of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor on the instruments. Now, the added bonus to this game is that Jiraiya, Kakashi, and Sai are all visiting Sakura for lunch in the lounge, where this will be aired. Now, the album is a special album today—_Songs of the Icha Icha Series_. So Colin and Ryan, let's hear all about _Songs of the Icha Icha Series._

Ryan: Is that the pornographic series Naruto's teacher writes?

Naruto: Yes, Ero-Sennin writes that series…

Meanwhile

Jiraiya: (Sneezes) So, how's Naruto been, guys? I haven't seen him in a while.

Sai: Well, as usual, he acts like he has no penis, but in reality he is huge and I want it. So now you know why Hinata blushes, gets weak kneed, and faints all the time around him.

Sakura: Right… We really needed to know that, Sai.

Kakashi: He's been busy with missions and training as of recently, and he's doing fine.

Sakura: He and some strange Americans came earlier to outside the nurse's office and started talking about bathroom humor. I think it was a prank.

Jiraiya: Ha! He never has outgrown his prank pulling methods. Was it gross?

Sakura: Geez, like you wouldn't believe.

Jiraiya: (chuckles) He's terrible! That's my student…

(The TV starts to play commercial music, and everyone stares at it. Colin and Ryan appear on screen)

Colin: We'll be right back to _The Root Chainsaw Massacre_, the tragedy of how Sai accidentally castrates himself, in just a second, but first, we have something for you.

(Drew Laughs)

Sai: WHAT?!!

Sakura: Those are the two guys that were with Naruto earlier. There was a third guy who was very dark skinned.

Jiraiya: Interesting…

Ryan: That's right, Colin. Today we have a special album for you—_Songs of the Icha Icha Series_.

Jiraiya: WHAT?! When did they make songs about my books?

Colin: You don't say!

Ryan: That's right! 450 songs on 800 CDs all about the Icha Icha series. Hey Col…

Colin: Yeah, Ryan?

Ryan: What comes to mind when I say Owls?

Colin: Clam Chowder! (Drew and Wayne laugh, Naruto looks at Colin weird)

Ryan: (dumbfounded, giggling) What? Why's that Colin?

Colin: Because that was my dad's favorite brand of Clam Chowder—Owl brand clam chowder. He used to eat it all the time, right before he died of that horrible pencil sharpener accident, but I digress…

Ryan: No Colin! That's wrong. I was talking about The Who, not clam chowder…

Colin: Oh, I'm sorry.

Ryan: That's right. The Who, and their big hit, "Spying on the Female Hot Springs."

(Music Starts, to the tune of Behind Blue Eyes, Wayne Laughs)

Wayne: No one knows what it's like to be the pervert… Looking through and getting hurt, behind the fence…

Naruto: But we all know that I love to peek… Looking at those pretty girls… I write novels about those erotic things…

Wayne: Spying on the Female…

Both: Hot Springs……………..

(Music Stops)

Ryan: Wow, I used to romance my fifth wife with that song every night of our two day marriage.

Colin: Yeah, and you wonder why it only lasted two days… (Drew Laughs)

Ryan: Hey Col, how much is this 300-, 450-, hell I can't remember how many CD's this set is!

Colin: Too much tequila again?

Ryan: You know it!

Colin: I thought so. You should really know better… Anyway, let's get back to our next song.

Ryan: Ok.

Colin: As you know, Ryan, I used to love going across the country to various lounges to listen to the music. And no lounge song has a special place in my heart like that great lounge hit, "I Can't Stop Readin' and my Nose is Bleedin'."

(Drew Laughs, and the music starts, and Naruto and Wayne act like Lounge singers, and surprisingly, Naruto starts)

Naruto: (singing) Oh, there's this book, I say, so damn hot, it makes my nose spray, what am I gonna do?

Wayne: (singing) Readin' the scenes inside, leaves this feelin in my thigh, but I just can't stop reading on…

Naruto: (singing) I read on and on, and my nose just wants to bleed…

Wayne: (singing) …and the thought of what's happenin' makes me wanna spill my seed… (Drew Laughs)

Both: (singing) Oh I can't stop reading, and my nose is bleeding, and I'm lovin it…

Wayne: (singing) Oh I can't stop reading (Naruto echoes) and my nose is a bleeding (Naruto echoes)…

Both: (Singing) …and I'm loving it………….

(Music Stops)

Ryan: Hey Col, we never did say how much this CD set was.

Colin: Who cares? (Acts excited) No matter how much _Songs of the Icha Icha Series_ costs, we know that people out there really want it, so they'll pay whatever they have to, so we won't tell you how much it is!! (yelling now) It's a SURPRISE!!!

Ryan: Wow, did you sneak a few shots of my sake as well?

Colin: You know it, and I also mixed it with some of my favorite Canadian Whisky that I can't mention on the air due to possible copyright violations!

Ryan: (chuckling) Ok. Hey Col, guess what?

Colin: You're gonna shave your head bald so I can have a break from bald-jokes?

Ryan: No! I'm gonna tell you about the next song on this album!

Colin: Then you'll shave your head?!

Ryan: No.

Colin: Damn!

Ryan: Our next song topped the charts for 15 weeks, and is by that awesome band, Bon Jovi, and it is entitled, "Hot Chicks and Steam."

Jiraiya: When the hell did Bon Jovi make a song about my books?!

Sakura: I don't know… Come to think of it, who is Bon Jovi?

Jiraiya: They're a big American Band, very popular. Go listen to them!

(The tune to "Livin on a Prayer" starts)

Sakura: Shh! The song is starting!

Wayne: Jay sits amongst the trees, writing with his pen what he see, oh it's fun.

Naruto: The girls they all like the steam, when they sit in the bath, it makes them look so hot, and Jay writes.

Both: You see he likes to think up, and write hot stuff, doesn't really matter if they put out enough, because on his stories they do, and that good for him. Ooooh, hot chicks and steam, ooooh, boy do they gleam; wish I was, with them it seems, ooooh, hot chicks and steam…

(Music Stops, and the TV goes to static)

Jiraiya: Wow, more money coming my way from these CDs. I can just see the popularity of my books rising more.

Sai: Jiraiya, the last time I took advice from your books, I got the crap kicked out of me by Sakura.

Sakura (mumbling to Sai): If you mention that incident involving your hand touching my ass again, I'll kill you.

Sai: But I thought it would make you happy, and you looked upset.

Sakura: More importantly, why is Naruto getting on TV with the same idiots that pulled the doctor scene in front of me…

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ!!!!

Drew: The Root Chainsaw Massacre…

Naruto: (laughing) Wouldn't it be funny if it were true…

Drew: (laughing) I'm not giving any points for that…

(Everybody laughs)

Drew: Ok, on to our next game, which is called Film, TV and Theater styles! In this game, Colin, Ryan, and Naruto are going to act out a scene and every so often, I'm going to buzz and give them a different film, TV, or theater style to act the scene out in. Now, before I tell you what the twist to the scene is, you all need to see what we just recorded on the office cam a few minutes ago.

(Scene shifts to Sakura's office cam)

Sakura: Ok Ino, Hinata, we're gonna go teach basic first aid to one of these ninja classes. We need a volunteer to perform the basic first aid on, so if you see anyone we know, see if they can help us out.

Ino: Anyone, billboard brow?

Sakura: You heard me, _anyone_, including Naruto or Lee.

Hinata: N-n-naruto-kun? Ok.

Sakura: Don't worry. I'll kick his ass if he does something stupid… After class is over, of course.

Ino: Sounds good to me. We need to get down there.

(Tape ends)

Drew: Alright, so you guys have your scene, right? You must participate as Sakura, Ino and Hinata's volunteers. Naruto, you be the victim, and Ryan and Colin, you two are helping fix Naruto. Don't forget, I'll buzz in with various film, TV and theater styles.

(In the Classroom)

Sakura: Ok, class, Myself, Ino and Hinata will teach you some basic first aid skills today.

Ino: That's right. In the field, you never know when a medic-nin will be nearby, so we will teach you basic first aid skills to help you while you are waiting for a medical attention from a professional.

Hinata: Now, unfortunately, we weren't able to find a volunteer to pretend to be a victim. Would any of you like to be a volunteer?

Naruto: (from doorway) Did someone need a volunteer?

(Sakura, Hinata, Ino and the class look towards the doorway, surprised)

Sakura/Hinata/Ino: Naruto!!!

Naruto: That's right, and I brought my friends Colin and Ryan to help out.

Ryan: That's right, and girls, we will assist you in working with Naruto here.

Sakura: Ok, that'll work, I guess. Now, the first thing we'll talk about is bleeding.

Ryan: Oh, yes, I know this one well. I dealt with bleeding several times.

Sakura: (getting annoyed) Yes, well, who is the teacher here?

Ryan: Well if you must know, I used to be a medic for the military!

Sakura: (annoyed) OK, then, you teach the class!

Ryan: That'll work. Ok, so we will cover cuts and lacerations. Suppose Naruto here is fixing a flat tire on his car, and slices his hand open on a piece of rusty fender. What shall we do? Colin?

Colin: Right, well, let's see what we have here. Ahh, well, we take this long bandage… (grabs a piece of long bandage)

Ino: What's a car?!

BUZZ!!!

Drew: WWF!

Colin: (giggles, grabs Naruto by the head, screams) AND WE'LL PUT THE STRANGLEHOLD ON HIM!!! YOU WANT THIS TITLE? YOU WANT THIS CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE?!

Ryan: That's right! You'll have to take us both on this Sunday!!!

Ino: What does a championship title have to do with bleeding?

Naruto: I'll take you right now, you BEEEEP!!!!!!

(the class laughs)

Sakura: What the hell are you doing?!!!

BUZZ

Drew: The Brady Bunch

Naruto: Oh look, I cut myself! (holds his arm)

Colin: Mom!!! Naruto cut himself again!!! Better get the first aid kit!!!

Ryan: Marsha has it, dear. Get her to get it…

Naruto: Why does she have it? (throws a tantrum, still holding his arm)

Colin: It's always Marsha! Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!!!

Hinata: Who's Marsha? (Thinking) Does Naruto-kun like this Marsha more than me?

Sakura: Naruto?! Let me see that arm!! (Walks up to him and grabs his arm) Ino Help me out here!!! (Ino grabs Naruto's other arm)

BUZZ!!!!

Drew: PORNO!!! (Ryan, Colin, and Naruto giggle)

Sakura: Naruto, what's so funny?!

Ino: Naruto, are you enjoying this?

Naruto: Mmmmm. Why have one nurse when I can have two…

Ryan: Oops, I dropped the bandages… (Bends over in front of Naruto. Naruto uses his other hand to start rubbing his chest, shoulders, caresses Sakura, who blushes)

Naruto: (Looks at a blushing Sakura) I'm glad you and your assistant showed up. I'm not sure what I would have done… (Looks to Ino, caresses her face)

Hinata: Naruto-kun… (blushes bright red)

Ryan: (unrolls bandage, and starts to wrap Naruto's arm, sensually, while rubbing Naruto's shoulder) Let me just wrap something up for you…

Colin: (Acts like he's eating popcorn) Damn, this sure beats watching Friends!!! (Drew, Ryan, and Naruto laugh)

BUZZ!!!

Drew: Croc Hunter!!!

Ryan: (giggles, still holding bandage, tackles Naruto to the ground, speaks in Australian accent) Right! Watch out ladies!!! Now we're going to hold him down, wrap his snout with some duct tape, because one bite could be fatal!!! (Naruto starts wiggling around violently like an angry crocodile)

(The girls sweat drop)

Colin: I'm feisty!!!!

BUZZ!!!

Drew: Soap Opera!

Ryan: (helps Naruto up, then says to Colin) I don't care if you are feisty. Don't you know I'm carrying your baby? (The girls sweatdrop)

Sakura: How can you be pregnant? That's impossible!

Ryan: (ignoring Sakura) I'm not even sure if it is your baby, it could be Naruto's!

Colin: (to Naruto) You know, this means one of us is gonna have to leave Shady acres...

Naruto: Hey now, It's not my fault I have a rare tropical disease that makes me bleed from the slightest cuts…

Ino: What the hell are you talking about, Naruto? And what is with Ryan suddenly being pregnant?

BUZZ!!!

Drew: Macgyver!!!

Colin: Now how can we stop this bleeding?

Ryan: I know it sounds crazy, but with a paperclip, this old shoe, an empty Coke can, and some string, we just might be able to do it! (He and Colin hold Naruto's arm)

Sakura/Ino/Hinata: WHAT?!

Colin: Don't forget this piece of gum I'm chewing…

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ!!!!!!!!!

Ryan: Well that's it on bleeding, we're going to take a quick break…

Colin: That's right, we'll be right back! C'mon Naruto!!! (Grabs Naruto)

(Ryan, Colin and Naruto run out of the classroom, leaving a flabbergasted Ino, Sakura, and Hinata, and a laughing class)

Drew: You sure don't see that on Friends! Two nurses restraining a horny Naruto! That was great, so 1000 points to whoever suggested porno!!! (Everyone laughs)

Naruto: Are we gonna actually go back down there?

Drew: We'll find out after we take a quick break, so don't go anywhere!!!

* * *

Important A/N: My deepest apologies for keeping you guys waiting so long for this chapter. I have had a huge case of writer's block, and been very busy with school, just like most FF authors. However, One major problem that has contributed to the writer's block is setting the story in the whole village of Konoha. As you Love Hina readers recall, the Whose Line Love Hina edition took place in the Hinata-Sou, which is a relatively small place. Konoha is a vast place, so it's hard to be able to catch people to prank in the village, thus making it difficult to come up with scene ideas. Have no fear, as I am starting to get ideas, and it sounds like Ino, Sakura and Hinata will experience the brunt of most of the pranks. We shall see though. I'm always open to ideas from my valued readers. Also, on the topic of suggestions, Battenfield came up with a good point that any suggestions having to do with the Kyuubi attack/Yondaime death might be a bit of a rough topic for Naruto, so I will have to discard some of the suggestions yall gave me, like "The Real Reason Kyuubi Attacked". After all, what's a comedy show if one of the improvisers gets depressed all of a sudden from a soft topic. Anyhow, keep those suggestions coming. I won't guarantee that they'll be used, but like Drew says, we keep the good ones and throw the crappy ones out! Suggestions from you (my audience) definitely make this more authentic. Anyhow, I need some for Hollywood Director, Scenes from a Hat, Let's make a Date, Party Quirks, and Improbable Mission. Anime related suggestions are cool, but I would like to see some non-anime related suggestions (like the SFAH suggestion "How the Naked Fridays Policy Turned out at Work, or What Drew does in his Spare Time) as well. The non anime related suggestions mixed in really make if feel more authentic, as if it could have been filmed. Anyhow, I have started chapter 3, and it's gonna be good! Enjoy!!!

JJ


End file.
